100th Post...DEDICATED TO BELIEVER...

To God be the glory, now and forever more. Believer, thank you so much for coming to my birthday party and for being such a blessing. My Mom says to let you know that you are considered to be one of her children; my sisters say you are considered to be one of their siblings; my children now consider you to be their aunty. What more can I say? You are a gift from God, sent to show me that He rewards His faithful servants......to let me know that no good deed ever goes unnoticed by Him.

Thanks for caring for my kids and keeping them occupied while we struggled with my gele (head wrap). Words can never express how much your presence meant to me and continues to mean to me. Now I know why I was led to blogging, I have found you and will now take my leave.....this season has come to an end and I toast to my life, our relationship and the future. God bless!

40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Psalm 100 (A psalm for giving thanks).
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

MONDAY, JUNE 18, 2007
“This blog would be an attempt to clear my mind, my thoughts, my feelings b4 I turn 40. It is ok with me if no one reads or comments, it is therapy for me and by the end of this part of my journey, I hope to be somewhat or totally healed.”

This is a quote from my first post ever. As I sit here on the dawn of my 40th year, I will say with 100% certainty that the goal has been met. I am healed! I am free! I am me! So much has changed, and yet so much has stayed the same. It is as if I used to live in a fog, an unconscious fog, not paying attention as my life passed me by. I have learnt a lot about life since June 2007. I was jobless when I wrote this post, it is now 2 jobs later and I have finally reached my professional goal of becoming a manager. On the home front, my hubby and girls continue to be the joy of my life. It is difficult at times, being a working mom and all, but I am the type of person who knows that my life gets to be balanced that way. I have made great acquaintances in blogsville and I found a sister (B, much love). As family and friends gather from far and near to celebrate my life (so far), I am happy that my hubby refused to let me talk myself out of having the party to commemorate this new chapter in my life.

I am grateful to the Holy Spirit for prompting me to seek wisdom in my life and pursue it with determination….I did, and my life has never been the same.

In conclusion, I must give all glory to God. For all that I am and all that I will become. To Him alone, through my Lord and savior Jesus Christ be the glory!

ON SELF-CONTROL!

2 Peter 1:6 (New International Version)
“And to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;”
Self-control is defined as: restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires. (Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary). I listened to my Pastor preach a very powerful sermon on Sunday about Job and how he received “twice as much as he lost” and that “his latter was greater than his beginning-Job 42:12”. The emphasis placed on the story of this much talked about man of the bible was not on the usual points I have heard most sermons on Job preached, it was on the fact that Job had tremendous self-control. How he restrained himself when implored by his friends and wife to turn against God. After all was said and done, in the 42nd chapter and the 10th verse “And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before”. Job is a good example of someone who exhibited the fruit of self-control. He kept his impulses, emotions and desires in check proclaiming ….”I know that my Redeemer lives" Job 19:25, which was said by faith as Christ was yet to come.
The only word of caution about what can hinder our ability to exercise self-control is to watch the spirit of anger. As soon as I heard this my heart kind of deflated. I had been exclaiming loudly and claiming the promises like no man’s business…then I heard about anger and I froze. Anger has always been my Achilles heel and although I am much better than I was, there are times when I am in full fledged anger without knowing how I got there. So, as I mulled over the sermon with hubby, I sighed and expressed my already presumed loss in the battle to not get angry. It was then he spoke these words that totally changed my outlook…”God does not say we must never get angry, He said do not sin when you do, and most importantly, Proverbs 16:32 says we should be slow to anger”. He diagnosed my problem right there and then. I am not slow to anger, never have been and never knew it is possible. I have always been straight from 0-120 mph as far as getting angry is concerned. So, I now have hope. I will be able to manifest the fruit of self-control and will always be slow to get angry in Jesus’ name.

BTW, this will be my last post until December. It is getting quite hectic but I will post on my 40th birthday (December 10th) and on how my party turned out (December 13th) which will also mark my 100th post. Till then, God bless!

ANOTHER QUICK POST!

As I sat at my desk around 11:40 this morning I felt a small sway and said to my colleague "Do you think it's a quake?". Before she could answer, come and see serious moving and shaking in my 4th floor office. Living in Southern California, sooner or later you adapt to the intermittent shaking of the very foundation you stand on. The thing is you never get used to it! Instead of hiding under my desk as I heard people in other offices did, I stood in the middle of my office saying "Sweet Jesus" over and over again until I felt the floor stop moving and saw the wall stand still. As we all ran down the stairwell to get out and call our family members, I could not help but remember 911 and what those innocent people must have gone through. I hear it was a 5.8 on the richter scale and centered in Chino, a place my hubby and the kids and I drove through on Sunday after visiting my brother. About an hour's drive from Los Angeles. I thank God for life and the fact that we lived through another earthquake.

QUICK POST!

YouTube movie on infertility removed......First and foremost I apologize to my non-Yoruba speaking readers. The translation does not do it justice but will have to suffice.
This issue will not get out of my mind. Though forgiven, some actions are hard to forget. To anyone going through infertility, I am here to tell you that it will be okay. Don't let the stress of not being able to have a child decrease your quality of life. Live every minute fully because the time spent wailing and having pity parties will not return to you, it will be wasted time! Don't let people's looks, gossip, your insecurities or the present circumstances steal your joy. Don't buy into the hype or listen to the wicked. When the children come, it will be like you never went through the pain and suffering. You will then ask yourself...."Why did I let that time in my life pass by without enjoying it?" "Why did I give in to despair and lose hope?" Get up, live life and enjoy making love to your spouse with passion and not mechanically. Don't let it become a means to an end and enjoy the process. The kids will come and so will the fun and trouble of raising them. Enjoy your now!

ON GENTLENESS!

Considering what has gone on in my life these past couple of weeks, I was blessed tremendously by this....

In our daily lives we cannot help coming into situations that bring conflicts with people. It is easy for us in the natural to react with violence or anger, especially if we feel insecure in our position. But when we accept the reality of who we are in Christ and trust the Holy Spirit to help us, we can be gentle, whatever conflicts may arise.
Jesus showed true gentleness both in the midst of conflict and in the midst of popularity. His healings and miracles often brought the crowds to a high pitch of enthusiasm. But He refused to let them make Him the kind of king they wanted. He reminded them of the passage in Isaiah 42:1–4, “Here is my servant whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope.”
Jesus knew who He was, but He was gentle and humble — quite a contrast to the lying teachers who today exalt themselves by noisy demonstrations and who too often begin to think of themselves as above the requirements of holiness and justice.
Jesus’ awareness of His power enabled Him to be gentle to those in need. The broken reed He would not crush but would fully restore. The flickering wick of a lamp He would not put out but would cause it to burn brightly again. His gentleness works. It brings forth righteousness, and it will bring forth justice in the earth, He gently takes the sinner and makes him whole.
“Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul. Thank you, Lord, for making me whole.” Thank you, Lord, also that you saved me for a purpose. Thank you, Lord, for the experiences that teach us how to fulfill your purpose with humble gentleness.
By Stanley M. Horton

QUICK POST!

A big thank you to those who uplifted me with words and prayers (and hugs-Thanks Diamond) as I ranted and raved in prior posts. This search for wisdom is indeed a journey and not a destination. I have repented of trying to ban my mother-in-law from my birthday party. I have repented of the insecurity that made me react so strongly to what should really not make me bat an eyelid. I have repented of making my hubby blow a gasket while I blew my engine. I have repented of looking my middle child in the eyes as she asked "Are you guys fighting" and saying "No dear, we are just talking loudly". I have repented of the needless worry I put Amara through-(I promise to be a better mentor). I have repented of always trying to be perfect.

Those who are closest to us are apt to hurt us the most. They deserve the forgiveness that is sometimes too difficult to muster. I repent that I sometimes regret my decision to aspire to grow in wisdom because when you know better, you must do better. Ignorance is no longer bliss. My next fruit of the Spirit topic is gentleness....May I be more gentle and not see gentleness as weakness.

ON FAITHFULNESS!

Even before I knew Him, He was faithful. He always was, is and will be. That much I know. Growing up with a lot of insecurities and fears, He upheld me and kept me sane. He redirected me when the only way I sought was one to self destruction. It took a while, but I finally began to see myself through His eyes. His loving eyes never held disgust, discord or disapproval. He watched over me like a mother hen watches over her chicks.
When I did not know the repercussions of my actions, He shielded me from the onslaught of sorrow I would have received. He blessed me more than I could ever imagine. He surpassed my dreams and expectations. He put a new song in my heart and a new step to my dance. When I was told that I would never conceive, He put the enemy to shame-not once, not twice but thrice. He meets my needs and does so in abundance. He has given me beauty for ashes and double for my trouble.

You are a God of faithfulness without breach or deviation, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness because Your faithfulness is round about you. Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Your faithfulness endures forever. Your faithfulness O Lord is from generation to generation and none can compare. Abundant are your loving-kindness and faithfulness to me.

So why do I let my heart be cast down in sadness or be aflame in anger. Who is man that I should pay him any mind? How easily we forget Your mercies, dear God. How quickly we move on to the next thing without taking time to thank you and praise you for your faithfulness. There was a time I cried for fruit of the womb like my foremothers in the Bible. It became a cliché. Blame and pointed fingers were my lot. There was nothing I did not do but You showed up big time, “I found joy”. When the lips began to wag again, O Lord, I ran to you fretting and agitated. You told me “I will do it again”. You did O Lord and now, I have “A child is worth many relatives”. The third time, God, you know You threw me for a loop. I thought I had received my share and went on with life. Then on that fateful day in August, the line showed up and “A child is worth more than many, many relatives” became mine. I have 3 girls, so what? Only a culture as warped as mine would question the fact that I have 3 healthy, beautiful and loving children. So what if I don’t have a son? Who cares? Well, my mother-in-law does. I hope that now she has found out my tubes are tied she will accept her fate, there is no grandson coming from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometime I will choose to let go but how and when it happens is up to You, God, for right now I don’t see it happening. But by faith, I believe it will happen.

QUICK POST!

The old me is rearing its ugly head...the me that looooooved bearing malice. Not speaking. Feeling right. Feeling insulted. Feeling justified. Ignoring, let them suffer in my silence. Lord help me!!!!!!!

I know a breakthrough is around the corner. I need to let my ego go. I need to die to the flesh. It is usually easy for me once I analyze myself and marinate in the word...this time it is not. I think it is because it is about the "other woman"...my MIL. I will address the issue in my post about faithfulness. For now, I need me some serious prayers!

ON GOODNESS!

I have been thinking over what to write under this next fruit of the Spirit. I was simply going to tell the story about the several conversations and arguments I used to have with my then boyfriend (now hubby) about how it was not just enough to be a good person who is kind and generous but that we need to give our lives to Christ and confess Him as our Lord and Savior, also known as becoming born again John 3:3 In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again” - NIV). He would argue about how it is impossible for a kind and loving God to send people who have never heard about His son, Jesus to hell. It did not make sense to him and we would go back and forth, sometimes arguing till late into the night. He grew up Anglican (Episcopal here in the U.S), and could not understand where I was coming from. I soon realized that endless arguments led no where and prayed about it and argued no more. At last, one day about 12 years ago, I said the believer’s creed and he repeated it after me. It is not good enough to be good; you have to give your life to Christ.

Psalm 23:6
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Goodness: The state or quality of being good. Moral excellence; virtue. Kindly feeling; kindness; generosity. Excellence of quality: goodness of workmanship. The best part of anything; essence; strength. A euphemism for God: Thank goodness!